


The Panopticon

by KiriHuoZiv



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Character Death, Character Deconstruction, Korrasami - Freeform, Mental Health Issues, What-If
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-31
Updated: 2015-02-26
Packaged: 2018-03-09 19:28:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3261668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KiriHuoZiv/pseuds/KiriHuoZiv
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While she faces her inner ghosts, Asami must make an effort to protect the new Avatar to stop him from having the same fate that her beloved Korra.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Avatar - Legend of Korra belongs to Bryan Konietzko, Michael Dante DiMartino and Nickelodeon.
> 
> Initial notes:  
> 1\. This story is an alternative reality in which Korra dies facing Zaheer;  
> 2\. The Panopticon is a prison system designed in the eighteenth century in which the prison is circular, the watchtower is in the center of the circle and, in the end, are the cells. It is a system designed for a constant observation of the prisoner.  
> 3\. I have to apologize for spelling/grammar mistakes. English isn't my native language.  
> 4\. The story is already complete in portuguese. If you can read portuguese, you can find it on Nyah. My name there is Kiri Huo Ziv.

Asami got up from her seat and left the room, searching for refuge from the oppressing mood in there. The engineer needed space to breath or would get crazy; she couldn't handle the idea that, just a few hours earlier, Korra's body was buried just beside Aang's.

All that Asami desired at that moment was that she had had courage to speak up the words that burned her throat for quite some time, since she and Korra started spending some time together, just the two of them, and the engineer discovered she _really_ liked the Avatar's presence. But the fear of her friend's reaction had stopped her, and now she would never have the opportunity to say the words again.

The engineer looked to the clean and starry night sky above the Southern Water Tribe, wondering what she would do from that moment. She felt as if she was alone against the whole world after losing her father for his betrayal and Korra being gone. Tears fell from her eyes for the first time since she saw life fading away of Korra's eyes as Zaheer laughed behind all of them, already imprisoned by the metalbenders. He didn't care that he would be locked, because he _won_.

Asami heard steps coming closer and, after carefully dry her eyes with the sleeve of his coat, she turned back to face Mako and Bolin, both having identical expressions of sorrow and pain in their faces. They stood on each of her sides, and Asami was sure they left the house of Korra's parents wondering how was she. They weren't as coward as her, they weren't running away from _that_.

While turned back to look again to the sky, Asami expected that Bolin make some silly comment about the occasion that would make her smile unwittingly, but even from the earthbender seemed to have running out of words. The warm and optimistic Bolin. No, nothing was being easy for anyone of them.

Mako hold Asami's hand tightly and, for the first time since their second and last break up, the engineer didn't feel the urge to of pulling him away. That wasn't a romantic gesture, it was a comforting one for both of them.

"Asami, you don't need to hold back what you're feeling," said the firebender without turning around to look at the woman by his side. "Bolin and I realized that things changed between the two of you guys, and Korra probably realized the same. You can talk to us."

"It's true. Korra was never happier and more excited about the future as she was at the last couple weeks," Bolin said, and he sounded surprisingly melancholic.

So, they knew. The engineer wondered if Korra would have realized too. With the tears in her eyes and her face flushed by her crying, Asami thought that the sky's colour made the engineer remember of Korra's eyes when she looked at her sometimes. _Desire_ , she realized. Maybe Mako and Bolin were right, maybe Korra really felt the same. The realization just made her feel more stupid. She _should_ have told Korra about her feelings.

"This is part of the past now," said Asami, at least, trying to convince herself. "Korra is death, and this isn't important anymore. We need to think about the future."

Mako didn't seem convinced, but Bolin started listing things he was thinking about doing from that moment, as if he was trying to convince himself that life would follow and everything would end up okay.

"The White Lotus will start to search for the new Avatar. Maybe we should try to help them, try to make what happened with Korra does not repeat," Mako said, at last interrupting his brother.

"Seems like a great idea, bro," exclaimed Bolin, turning around to Asami. "What do you think, Asami?"

Asami didn't know what she could say that wouldn't hurt the two brothers. On her opinion, protecting the Avatar was a useless task. After all, Korra was protected from Zaheer during all her childhood and teenage years, just for him return afterwards and kill her anyways.

It was the Avatar's duty to help to restore harmony and balance to the world, and nothing anyone could do would protect them forever.

"You're right," Asami said, after a while, expecting that her lie sounded convincing. No, she wouldn't join Bolin and Mako on that adventure, but she wished more than anything that they could find a new motivation, a new path.

The two brother sighed in relief in unison. Mako turned around to Asami with a smile, but the woman didn't face him.

"Let's go back inside? It's freezing here," said Mako, kindly.

"You can go," said Asami, releasing Mako's hand. "I want to be alone for a little while more. Need to think, you know."

Bolin opened his mouth to ask in what Asami wanted to think, but Mako interrupted him with a look. The firebender someway understood the engineer's feeling; after all, he also loved Korra. Mako and Bolin walked away, at last, leaving Asami finally alone with her thoughts again.

She couldn't join the White Lotus, because she knew she wouldn't be able to know the new Avatar and learn to love them just to lose them again. Because the Avatar didn't belong to anyone, they were a entity that give themselves to the world in favor of keeping the balance in it. She _couldn't_ lose them again.

Asami watched the portal to the Spirit World; very far, but visible. The engineer remembered of when Korra told her about finding the old general Iroh, Fire Lord Izumi's great-uncle. In some cases, the person's spirit left for a rest period at the Spirit World before reincarnating. Maybe, Korra was there. Maybe, at this time, the new Avatar didn't born immediately after the death of the previous one.

Maybe. _Just_ Maybe. Asami wondered if she would be able to talk to Korra for a last time and, at least, reveal her feelings. It was a vain hope, but she _needed_ to try.

  **~~//~~**

When she finally reached the Spirit World, Asami didn't know from where she should start. She looked around, facing the immensity of the place, completely empty of people and spirits, and almost gave up the hope of finding Korra.

The engineer turned again to the portal, wondering if she would be able to live knowing that, maybe, Korra had never known about her feeling toward her. No, she _needed_ to find the Avatar one last time. Korra _had_ to know, even though Asami didn't knew the motive why she had to. She was being irrational and, deep inside, knew Korra's understanding about her feelings wasn't really a basic need for her surviving. She found, though, that it was a perfectly fine moment to be irrational; after all, the woman she loved was dead and her father, her only family, had betrayed her.

The engineer faced the compass she always carried when she was on a trip, trying to decide from where she would start looking. There weren't any more probable answers and, after some seconds, she decided to follow always to north, taking shifts to west when it were necessary.

She walked for a while without finding anyone, wondering where were the spirits. Sometimes, she stopped and yelled Korra's name twice or three times, then she listened for a moment, alert to any sound, before resume her walking. It was a reckless attitude, Asami knew, but she didn't care.

After a long while, she finally started seeing the spirits from far. They always disappeared when Asami tried to approach of them, even though she had attempted to convince them that she wasn't a threat. Well, at least now she knew she wasn't really alone at that apparently vast world.

At last, Asami reached the edge of a forest. She stopped for a while, wondering if she should enter in there and take the risk of losing inside it. Until that moment, she was absolutely certain that she would be able to come back to the portal if she needed. Forests, though, were treacherous and she wasn't certain if she would be able to guide herself out of one.

"You shouldn't go inside there, this is the forest where Koh's spirit lives," said a man's voice from Asami's right.

When the Asami turned around to face the voice's owner, she found a somewhat familiar face. He was an old man, looking at her with a calm, but worried expression. She tried to remember from where she knew that man, but she couldn't.

"Oh, sorry about my manners," said the man, realizing she didn't recognize him. "My name is Iroh, it's a pleasure meeting you."

So, Asami remembered of the photo she saw once, long time ago, in a book about the Hundred Years War. Iroh, the general who accompanied Zuko during his exile and teached him about how to be a better firebender and leader. Asami leaned her body in a small reverence, as she learned to do when she faced a Fire Nation citizen.

"My pleasure, I'm—"

"Asami Sato, of course," said Iroh, his smile calm and kind. "Why don't you me join me? I have tea at my house, and maybe you can entertain an old man with a Pai Sho match."

"I'm very sorry, sir. In other circumstances, I would have much pleasure joining you, but now I have to hurry up to—" she stopped herself of revealing more about her plans, unsure if Iroh would understand. She didn't want to piss off this particular spirit, but she didn't want to lose her las chance to find Korra.

"You won't find her here, Asami," said the old man, his smile suddenly becoming sadder. "She already reincarnated, as we expect to happen with all the Avatars."

Asami swallowed hard, trying to stop, in vain, the tears from falling from her eyes again. So, Korra was lost forever to her, her last hope of finding her was a waste of time.

"Come on, let's finish this conversation with some tea," said Iroh, his hand on Asami's shoulder. "You know, things always seem less painful when you have tea and nice company to share it."

Asami couldn't see how tea could appease all the pain and sorrow she was feeling after losing Korra again, but accompanied Iroh anyway. After all, what else she could do? Going back to the Physical World wasn't really a priority at that moment, not when she felt that there was nothing there for her to come back for.

After a while of a silent walking, they arrived in a small house. A spirit fox went out as soon as they reach the front garden to salute them, and Iroh greet it happily. They went inside the house and Iroh prepared the tea while Asami sat at the table watching him.

When the old man served her the tea, she waited for him to sit and fill his own teacup before raising her own and lead it to her lips, focusing on the taste to distract herself from her painful feelings. Didn't work out.

"You must believe in me when I say that I understand what it means to mourn someone, but there are important things to do at the Physical World," declared Iroh when both of them landed their teacups at the table. "You know, when I lost my son, I mourned him for a long time before realizing that my younger brother, Ozai, was acting behind my back and taking the throne. The deaths I could have prevented if I had been stronger haunted me for a very long time after that. Just when Aang reappeared and Zuko began training him I realized that this was for the best."

The rational part inside Asami knew that she couldn't hide forever. She had friends that loved her, and business to take care of; even so, she couldn't avoid feeling empty inside, as if nothing more was left for her in both worlds. Maybe she could stay there, with Iroh, playing Pai Sho and drinking tea. She certainly felt closer to Korra at the Spirit World.

"Korra meant a lot to me," explained Asami, after a moment of silence. She felt that telling Iroh about her true feelings with every single word would make them more real, and the pain would become unbearable.

"My dear, there is no way of being close to you at the Spirit World and not feeling your pain, your angry and, of course, your love for Korra. Why do you think no spirit tried approaching of you? This combination of feelings is one of the most powerful and dangerous that exist in both of worlds."

Asami thought for a moment. At first, she thought Iroh was exaggerating; evidently, she was feeling all those emotions at that moment, but, before, when there was a _chance_ of seeing Korra again, she had left those feelings buried inside her. It was the only way to keep going with her plan. Were the spirits so perceptive?

"It was because of that that you knew who I am."

"Oh, no. Last time I talked with Korra, you touched her at some point while she meditated, don't you? I could feel your love to Korra through her," said the former general and, again, he drunk a little of his tea. "It wasn't difficult to identify someone through their emotions at the Spirit World."

Asami nodded, remembering the moment when she took Korra's hands at some point when she meditated for that one last time. She was brawny and almost never behaved like people think women should behave; but, somehow, her beauty and and features became more delicate and feminine while she was meditating. Asami found so fascinating watching her that she forgot for a moment that she should behave as a friend.

That didn't explain how Iroh knew her name, but she didn't care to ask. It didn't matter, after all; not when she was feeling as if there was a huge hole inside her chest that didn't cease to hurt and bleed.

"There will be a new Avatar, and you must search them and protect them at the years that will come," declared Iroh with a quiet seriousness. "Not all the Avatars are capable of finding their kindred spirits, but the kindred spirits can never turn away from their duty to the Avatar when they met their."

"Kindred spirits?" Asked Asami, with curiosity and fear; her teacup forgotten in front of her.

"Of course. Also called _soul mates_ , the kindred spirits are intrinsically connected to Raava and the Avatar. It's obvious that you are one of them, because I could reach you through Korra."

"Is there more than one?"

"Yes. I met two others," said Iroh, smiling.

"Katara, I imagine," Asami said, with a sigh, looking at her teacup, thoughtful; Katara was someone that Aang, Korra and even her learned to like.

"Yes, that's right, Katara. And my nephew, Zuko."

Asami looked at Iroh. She needed a moment to get what Iroh was saying. The engineer understood about Katara, who was Aang's wife and kind of a second mother to Korra, someone for who Asami had some instantaneous empathy. The former Fire Lord, on the other hand...

"Zuko and Aang were the best friends and they accomplished a lot together. They weren't lovers, of course, but were great friends and co-workers," declared Iroh happily. "Zuko and Katara, together, devoted to keep Korra safe while she grew. Even though my nephew couldn't see her as much as Katara, he always kept an eye on her from far."

Asami nodded, she knew well enough the story about how the Red Lotus tried to kidnap Korra when she was a kid, and the White Lotus, along with Zuko and Katara, decided that would be safer for her to be locked up in the Southern Water Tribe.

That, however, brought several painful memories. Because Zaheer did escape from the prison and killed Korra anyways.

"Are you saying that I have the duty to protect the next Avatar?"

"It's not that you have a _duty_ , but you certainly will feel compelled to help when you meet him," said Iroh, thoughtful. "It's part of your essence."

Asami's desire was to not being involved on this fight anymore, she just wished to live peacefully on Republic City, rebuilding her father's business and creating new things to make the people's lives easier. She didn't want more pain, and having her destiny intertwined to the Avatar's would necessarily bring her more pain.

"Fighting against your destiny won't stop it to come," explained Iroh, and Asami sighed.

"I know," said Asami. "I only wanted to live peacefully from now, don't have to worry about the world's fate."

"Having your live intertwined to the Avatar's isn't easy. It will bring you suffering and pain; certainly, you will pass a lot of time worried about their safety. But it will also bring love, and, if this isn't a good reason to keep fighting, I don't know what it is."

 _Love_. That world that Asami had never had the courage to speak openly to Korra even though it haunted her thoughts for so long. The word in which she tried not to think since Korra's death and, now, resonated inside her head and her heart, bringing a warm feeling for the first time since then.

Maybe, if she could remember of what she was feeling at that moment, the pain that Korra's death had caused to her wouldn't fill her entirely. Maybe, finding the new Avatar could fill her with love again.

She decided she needed to find them, what wouldn't be easy. Then, she would have to hide them, stopping people to use them for the world's sake, impeding them to end up like Korra, in a battle they couldn't win.

At last, Asami nodded and stand up, thanking Iroh for the tea. She had a mission to accomplish and urgently needed to decide how to do that.


	2. About Loyalties

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The notes at the end are a little important for you to understand the concept behind this story. Read the chapter first, though.

Asami wasn't quite certain of her sanity anymore. She never would be able to say exactly when the change happened, but, at that moment, the engineer could see perfectly. The almost four years since Korra's death and her decision of joining the White Lotus had nade her hypersensitive and paranoid.

Mako and Bolin also joined, and they constantly reminded Asami that she should relax a little bit, that would be better if she took a day off to rest, that this wasn't healthy anymore.

"You are too pale", "you are too thin and you have dark circles under your eyes, you need to sleep and eat", "spending your life between the intelligence of the White Lotus and training martial arts isn't healthy". Commentaries like those became more and more often through the years, and Asami had to make a growing effort to not punch her friends in the face everytime they said that.

Though her paranoid mind yelled to her every single time that they were trying to delay her mission, to make her more vulnerable, Asami somehow knew they were just worried about her. It was possible, after all; they were close friends. Right? _Right?_

Of course, the paranoia and hypersensitivity were bothering her, because they were making harder everyday to refrain her agressive impulses. Asami knew, though, that those were useful skills if she wanted to protect the new Avatar, so she didn't restrained them and let them grow naturally inside her.

At first, even before her joining the White Lotus, she contemplated the idea of telling Mako and Bolin about her plans, about trying to convice them to be a part of them. But Asami wasn't certain about their loyalties and was afraid that, if the brothers didn't agree with her, they would tell someone that would put a stop on everything. That possibility was dangerous and probable enough for her to stop contemplating it not long after they joined the White Lotus, five months after Korra's death. She didn't stop daydreaming, though, about the three of them together, teaching everything they knew to the new Avatar.

The almost four years changed her so much, though, that, now, she didn't even have those daydreams anymore. When she wasn't able to sleep, what occurred more often than  it didn't, Asami got up to more martial arts practices, trying to mimic the movements learned by the benders, or tried to invent something through trivial objects.

She also worked every night until late trying to memorize maps of the four nations. It wasn't an easy task, but the constant effort made it possible for her sleeping every three nights. Besides, she knew the knowledge would be fundamental if she expected to survive alone with the new Avatar.

Before it had passed the sixth month since she joined to the White Lotus, Asami realized that the organization was composed just by the elite of benders and non-benders of the world. She also realized that, despite that, the elite were way bigger than it was expected at first, and this made every single move of them slow and bureaucratic.

Everyday, Asami had to remind herself that there were, in fact, several good reasons to stay as a White Lotus member. She had put a lot of thought on it during the five moths after Korra's death and her impatience didn't change the fact that it was the rightest decision.

She had access to all the knowledge about the Avatar that existed. There was even a report about Wan, the first Avatar, written in Korra's handwriting. Reading that made Asami cry for hours; the words were written in a way that made it appear that it was the late Avatar saying them. Asami didn't remember falling asleep crying, but she remembered dreaming with Korra's hugs and kisses for the first time since her death.

The engineer also could train with the best martial arts teachers in the world, which made her skills grow everyday. And, lastly, of course, the White Lotus was always the first that received new informations about children who could be the new Avatar. The Earth Kingdom was a large place and was in chaos since the fall of the Queen, so there was little information, but Asami was certain that they had more information than any other person.

Every night, before lying down, Asami went over those reasons inside her head. She was in hurry, because the Avatar needed her protection, but it was more likely that she would find them if she was part of the White Lotus.

It occurred three years, nine months and twenty-six days after Korra's death. The White Lotus finally had a confirmation about a kid that would probably be the Avatar. Asami, Mako and Bolin, having met the previous Avatar, were called immediately to be part of the team that would contact the young boy for the first time. The White Lotus leaders believed that there was a chance of bonding between them and the new Avatar.

According to the report they received, the child was located on a little town called Bao Chen*, that was on the frontier between the United Republic of Nations and the Earth Kingdom. He was an orphan, the father murderer during the chaos that followed the Earth Queen's death, and the mother died during his birth. His name was Konrad.

It passed three days before they could begin the mission and, despite Mako and Bolin's protests, Asami passed two of them trying to learn the most she could or training her always improving skills. It was the only way she knew that calmed herself enough for her not to kill one of the White Lotus leaders of frustration. At the third day, she was so exhausted that she slept for almost twelve hours, something she didn't remember doing since, at least, Korra's death. She dreamed about Korra's kisses again, and woke up with a warm sensation inside her heart.

So, at the fourth day, they finally left in a small airship designed by Asami herself. She expected that the technology knowledge she was donating to the White Lotus compensated her betrayal at least a little.

Asami was relieved to see that there were just a few members on that mission. Just her, Mako, Bolin and a waterbender called Rikka.

"We are going to split up into two groups," explained Mako, who was chosen as the commander of the mission. "Bolin and I are going to search for the boy at the adoption house where he lives, while Asami and Rikka will search for him on the streets. Children who live in adoption houses are alway by themselves on the streets, anyways. Questions?"

All of them shook their heads and, for the first time in months, Asami felt for a second something that wasn't painful at all: she felt nostalgia. There they were, the Team Avatar in a mission, and Mako acting like he was the boss. So, came the pain of knowing that she would betrayal them. She tried, in vain, contain the tears in her eyes; but could keep them to herself by keeping her head down.

The firebender handed a piece of paper to Asami, and she realized that it was a child's photograph. The new Avatar had emerald eyes, dark brown hair that fell in waves to his shoulders and a brown skin color. He still had the young children's rounded face.

Asami wondered if she would be able to love someone so different from Korra. She knew that Iroh had said she could never run away from her connection to the Avatar, but seeing Konrad's photo didn't trigged the impulse to help him the way she expected. Well, that didn't matter at all. Konrad had Korra's spirit and, in essence, they were the same. And Asami vowed to never let Korra's spirit being ripped from its body again.

When the four of them stopped in front of the adoption house, Asami swallowed hard, knowing that this could be the last time she would see her friends. What she would do next would probably put an end on their friendship, but it was too important to not being done, and Asami never was the kind of person who ran away from a mission just because it was painful.

She watched Mako and Bolin walking into the house and, just when the door close behind them, Asami turned back to Rikka.

"We should split up too, this way we can cover more distance," Asami said, hading the Konrad's photo to the waterbender. "You can keep it, I already memorized it."

Rikka nodded and turned away to the street at the right side of the house, walking slowly carefully while she searched for a sign of Konrad. Asami turned to the left side of the house, walking faster while watching with her well trained peripheral vision.

She pray to the spirits asking for letting her find Konrad first. It would save her from having to fight with her friends and would appease the feeling of guilty about what she was about to do.

At that point, however, she wasn't lucky. She walked just a few dozen of steps before Mako called her using the radio, saying that Konrad was already with him and Bolin and asking her to find them at the airship. Well, at least Mako didn't know she wasn't with Rikka, what saved her to have to deal with the waterbender.

She run to reach Mako and Bolin before they arrive at the airship, but waited until they were close of it to make herself visible for them. The engineer realized that it was Bolin who held Konrad's hand, which was lucky, because it was the lavabender the one that worried her most. In an escape, Asami knew she could run faster than the two brothers, but Bolin was capable of create small earthquakes and dissolve the ground into lava.

She had to use the suprise element to gain advantage, and the best she could do was to make sure that Bolin wouldn't be able to follow her with Mako. It was also good that he was close enough to Konrad for her to reach the new Avatar before Mako had the chance to react.

It was the firebender the first one to see her, giving her a wondering look.

"Rikka and I split up to cover more ground more quickly. She must be on her way right now," lied Asami, approaching of the two brothers.

"Hey, Asami! Look, this is Konrad!" Said Bolin, happily. "Konrad, this is Asami Sato, the most brilliant mind behind this mission and one of the most brilliant minds in the whole world."

Konrad looked at Asami with his green eyes filled by admiration, but Asami wasn't really paying attention. Again, she was feeling guilt and contemplated for a moment telling the two brother about her plans; again, she quickly dismissed the thought: it was too risky and she couldn't lose her only advantage, the surprise element.

She waited until Bolin turn his back on her without diverting her look from Mako, who was approaching of them slowly with a happy smile — and Asami wondered if the smile was because he was in touch with Korra's spirit again. Maybe, Mako was the one bonded to Korra, not her. _No, I can't have doubts now; Iroh is the one who said it was my responsibility, and I trust Iroh._

At last, the earthbender finally turn to the airship, still holding Konrad's hands. Asami quickly raised the hand wearing the electrified glove and touched Bolin's shoulder gently, releasing enough electric charge just to let him unconscious. She realized Mako was paralized in shock and used this advantage to hold Bolin, preventing him to strongly fall down.

She laid him gently on the ground and, just then, looked to Konrad's terrified face. He didn't struggle when she hold him and started running into the airship. His eyes were completely soaked of tears and he didn't divert his look from Bolin. _Loyalty, the boy is_ _loyal. I used to know this word's meaning, but I lost it when I lost Korra._

"Asami, what the hell are you doing?" Asked Mako, and Asami noted by his tone that the shock was gradually being replaced by the anger. Well, she _did_ knock out his brother and betrayed his trust, so he _did_ have the right to be angry with her.

Without turning around or answering him, Asami run to the airship and quickly closed the door. The engineer knew she had to dispose from it afterwards, but this transport would give them a little advantage and, maybe, she could sell it and gain an extra money before they spread the word about her betrayal.

Asami put Konrad on a chair next to the control desk and turned on the airship. At that point, she didn't move to comfort him or explain herself, they would have time for this later. Now, she concentrated in going out of there before Mako got to open the door.

Some minutes later, the airship was already on the way to south — when they were far enough, she would recalculate the direction to west and was expecting to reach the Fire Nation in two days. Just then, she turn around to face the young Avatar, noting that Konrad was crying silently.

"He's going to be okay," Asami said, trying to send confidence. "Bolin, I mean. He fainted, but is going to be okay in a few hours."

The engineer saw the Avatar raising his eyes to face her; his look filled by anger, fear and resentment. Asami knew Konrad wasn't a danger to her; she was a master of several martial arts and the boy never practiced her bending powers. Even though, she felt fear.

"I'm the Avatar, and they promised to protect me," said the boy, and Asami wondered if he would be able to enter on Avatar State so young; her researchs indicated that it wasn't a common occurance, but it also wasn't inedit. "They will catch you and arrest you for that."

Asami sighed and sit down on a chair beside Konrad. Then, without facing him, she told the story about Zaheer, the White Lotus and Korra. Concentrated on Asami's words, the young Avatar slowly stopped crying, facing the engineer with terror in his eyes.

"They will protect you while you master the four elements, but, then, you will have to fulfill your obligation to the world," Asami explained, and suddenly realized she was crying too. "Your duty will consume you completely, you will be stuck to a string of dangerous obligations, and Korra's story could very well repeat itself with you. The White Lotus can't do anything about it, because they have to act on behalf of the balance, but I'm not stuck to this duty and I will never let the world use you. But, for this to work, you have to trust me."

Asami knew she was asking too much. Konrad just saw her betraying her best friends to kidnap him, which was a clear indicator that she wasn't trustworthy. When their eyes met, though, Asami saw something changing inside the boy, and she realized he recognized her someway.

"Okay," he said, at last. "I will trust you for now."

* * *

* Bao Chen means something like "precious morning".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thank you all for your kudos! They make me a very happy writter!!
> 
> I have three notes to make, it's very, very long, but a bit important for me to you understand (but it's not fundamental for the story itself, so, if you don't want to read it, it's fine).
> 
> First off, I'm conscious that the name I chose for this new Avatar, Konrad, is closer than it should be of "Korra" and that this isn't a common name to an Earth Kingdom citizen. I know all this, but his name was the second thing I thought while I was building this story and, afterwards, I couldn't let it go. I'm sorry about that, but seventeen years as a writer taught me that we have to make the story write itself sometimes.
> 
> Secondly and most important, Asami is uncharacterized: I know and it's on purpose. As Korra lost her mind while she was poisoned, Asami also lost herself; but, while Korra was doing her best to refrain and combat her PTSD symptoms, Asami is letting her paranoid personality disorder (PPD) take her, because she believes it's for the best for her mission.
> 
> How is it not decharacterizing Asami? I explain my point of view (you obvious can disagree with me): Asami is shown as a strong young woman that always do what she thinks is right. For exemple, why does she face Hiroshi and ally with Korra? She does that because she doesn't believe in Amon's cause, she believes in Team Avatar's cause. That's not about friendship or love, it's about what's the right thing to do.
> 
> I'm working this aspect of her in a extreme situation. She lost her father, she lost Mako and, now, she lost Korra. She is fragile, because she never did anything about her love for Korra, and she doesn't want to make the mistake of doing nothing again, so she is protecting the last part of Korra in this world: Konrad.
> 
> Third and last thing, Asami doesn't have PTSD, she is showing signals of a paranoid personality disorder (PPD). I, personally, never experienced this, but I know some people who have. Some of the symptoms are: doubting the loyalty of others, reading hidden demeaning or threatening meanings into benign remarks or events and hypersensitivity.
> 
> It's not clear why people have PPD, but there are studies that claim it's genetical. What makes me think Asami could have it is that I think it's perfectly fine to interpretate Hiroshi's behavior as PPD, because he even tried to kill Asami after she turns her back on him.
> 
> But, mostly, remember Asami is not treating it or trying to contain the symptoms. She is perfectly fine with them taking her personality, because it's a sacrifice for what she believes it's right.
> 
> That's it! Thank you all for reading it. This is a painful story, but I want you to know that I don't believe in sad endings (I hate them!). You can have, at maximum, a bittersweet ending.
> 
> Until the next! :)


	3. About Trust

Konrad felt as if all his life was a constantly game of hide and seek. He remembered very little about the time before he discovered he was the Avatar and knew Asami.

It was a happy time, if he recalled correctly; a time of freedom and peace. But this was very long ago and, now, if someone asked the boy if he was happy, he wouldn't be able to answer anymore. Konrad knew a lot of new places on his constant travels, but, however, he never could create bond with another people.

When Konrad was younger, he always searched for people of his age to play on the streets with him while Asami tried her best to sell the stuff she was constantly building. But, when the boy was almost managing to make good friends, they needed to restart their journey. This routine just repeated itself some few times before the Avatar realized that this just made me sadder.

Trying to make him feel better, Asami bought him a cat owl while they passed through Ba Sing Se. It was his protector's fist really amicable gesture towards him and, for a while, the cat owl, Qing*, was the only prove that Asami cared about his happiness and he hold this memory.

Unfortunately, he had to get rid of Qing not very long after, because the life running away and hiding made the cat owl unhappy. Asami managed to find an old woman who promised them with a smile to take care of the pet. Although very sad about the loss, Konrad never forgot Asami's gesture to give it to him and began trusting her a little more.

It was just two years after first meeting Asami that they really start bonding.

Konrad had a terrible nightmare that he didn't understand at the time, where a faceless man poisoned and beaten him, his mind and body painfully deteriorating. Even after several minutes awaked, he still felt remnants of the immeasurable pain he felt during the dream.

The young Avatar tried hard to not make any noise, because Asami rarely slept and, even when she did, she was a very light sleeper. He didn't want her to see him so weak and thought he was unworthy of being the Avatar. Despite that, though, it didn't take a long while before Asami was at his side, hugging him and asking why he was crying.

Touched by her kindness, Konrad told her about his dream with more details that he remembered having. For his surprise, Asami didn't send him away or told him to go back to sleep; she hugged him tighter while gentle stroked his hair. When the boy felt safe enough to pull away from her hug, he realized that Asami's face was covered by tears.

"Why are you crying?" Asked Konrad, perplex.

The question and the fact that she was caught crying disturbed Asami, and Konrad knew from that moment that she was thinking about the past. She always bit her lips and her eyes went wide when he asked about her past, as if he was supposed to know, somehow.

"I have a lot of nightmares with this man," she said, lastly, without facing Konrad. "Nightmares as this one you had and some others completely different."

"What does it mean?" Asked Konrad, slowly approaching her. "I mean, what does it mean both of us having the same dream?"

"This isn't really a dream, this is one of Korra's memories," Asami's voice was nothing more than a whisper. "This is something Korra and I kind of shared. I saw when it happened with her."

For a while, Konrad was too horrified to answer. If being the Avatar meant the possibility of feeling so much pain, he didn't want being the Avatar anymore.

So, a more urgent reality hit him. Asami cried silently on his side, hiding her face in her hands.  _She knew_ _Korra_ , the thought hit Konrad for the first time. Asam met Korra and loved her, and that was the motive behind her effort to keep him safe. She didn't want him to suffer the same stuff Korra suffered. And, honestly, he didn't want too.

He realized Asami didn't really care if he was truly happy, but she certainly cared about his well-being. The older woman loved his spirit when it belonged to Korra, and now she was trying hard to keep it in safety.

From that moment, Konrad decided he could trust in Asami his life, and their relationship improved as they became closer every day.

The remembrances they shared of the battle where Korra died connected them in a journey to make Konrad stronger and less susceptible to the dangers that surrounded them. For that, Asami began teaching him martial arts.

She was a demanding teacher, but Konrad was a devoted and persistent student who loved to learn, so, the progress was constant. Every morning, the engineer taught him new technic that he trained until reaching the perfection.

Their relationship grew very intimate after a year in this routine. Slowly, Konrad stopped keeping his feelings for himself and started sharing them with his protector, who began really caring about his happiness. They didn't share just memories, but also jokes and games that didn't fail to make even the serious and hard Asami Sato laugh.

Some began mistaking them by mother and child, and Konrad always liked when they did this assumption. He was afraid of Asami rejecting him if he dared to call her mother, but she was the only person in his life and he discovered that he loved her as a mom at the first time people called him her son.

Asami, however, was uncomfortable about this at first. Remember how she loved Korra, it was strange to her being called the mother of her beloved's reincarnation. After a while, though, she discovered that Konrad stopped being just Korra's reincarnation and began being just her Kon, then she realized that she was, in some ways, indeed his mother.

On Konrad's ninth birthday, she finally realized that the date didn't mean just the day that Korra died anymore. She was so excited about giving a perfect gift to Konrad that she didn't have much time to grief; of course, her nightmares didn't leave her alone that night, but she had some peace during the day, which she faced as an a miracle.

She resolved, then, that she would make Konrad's tenth birthday the best one and, when the time came, took him to a city very close to Republic City. Together, they arrested six bandits while they ran from the police.

The engineer didn't allow Konrad to face alone the six of them and he didn't insisted, even though he found he could beat them. She knocked out four of them, leaving the other two, both firebenders, to the young Avatar. He took several minutes to defeat them using no bending, but realized that Asami looked at him with proud when he approached of her before they both got away from there.

On that night, despite of the danger of being caught, she took him to Republic City for the first time. They dined together on a restaurant near the docks, from where they could see Aang's statue, and Asami told Konrad about her adventures with Korra. Later, when they left the city to camp in a safer place, the young Avatar felt entirely happy for the first time he could remember and thought that, maybe, things would start getting even better.

One year later, though, Konrad didn't felt so confident and barely remember why he was so happy on the year before. His eleventh birthday passed without anyone noted, even though he was certain that Asami had remembered it.

The White Lotus had caught them on a city at the Fire Nation just a few days before, and they just could run away because Konrad entered unexpectedly on Avatar State when he saw his protector being knocked out in battle trying to protect him. When Asami finally woke up, some hours later, they packed everything they had and run away as faster as they could.

They couldn't go far, though, because, due to the lack of medical caring, Asami's wounds plagued and she got very sick. Konrad passed his birthday taking care of Asami, for that her fever didn't get worse.

The boy remembered of the stories about Korra and knew she was a healer, so, he passed a lot of time trying to get in touch with Korra or Raava. All in vain, because Konrad didn't even know how to begin.

Terrified, Konrad sold some of their things to buy a map and a boat, and head to the Southern Water Tribe. He knew it was dangerously close to the main base of the White Lotus, but it was also the place where Aang and Korra were buried and the place he would be the more physically close possible from the two previous Avatars.

On her rare moments of conscience, Asami always asked him to where they were going, and Konrad always answered that he was just trying to keep them moving. He knew Asami wouldn't want to go at the Southern Water Tribe and that she would do whatever it takes to stop him if she knew.

Maybe, when she was healed, she would thank him and want to visit Korra's grave. After hearing Asmi crying out Korra's name, stating her love while hallucinating due to the fever, the boy started to understand the kind of love his protector felt for the late Avatar and was happy about never having called her mother.

Konrad didn't know how he felt about that. Part of him found it very weird, because Korra was, in some ways, him, and he didn't feel  _this kind_  of love for Asami. Other part of him, though, was relieved, because he had finally understood his protector.

The young Avatar opted to dock on a point far from the tribe itself, so that no one would see them arriving. He waited until Asami woke up and served her some soup he prepared; they stood some minutes in silence while the engineer tried to eat at least a little.

"Where are we, Kon?" Asked Asami, lastly, putting her spoon inside the plate still full. Her voice was rough and low. "It's very cold here, are we much far on north?"

"On south, being more accurate," he answered without hesitation. "We are close from the South Pole."

Asami nodded. Her brain wasn't functioning well. For some reason, being there didn't seem to be a good idea, but the feeling of being physically closer from Korra than she had been in more than ten years filled her completely while she walked back to her bed and slept before even finishing lying.

Konrad swallowed hard. Leaving Asami alone and unprotected in the boat wasn't the smartest option, but he had no other one. The young Avatar picked up two swords; he lay one of them beside his protector's pillow and took the other with him. The boy hoped that none of them would be used on that day, but he learned being always careful.

He had to walk almost an hour before locating the Southern Water Tribe's graveyard. The place was a little far from the city, and he thanked the spirits while walked between the graves. Being outside the center of the city meant he didn't have to see a lot of people on his way in and out there.

In the end, it was easy to find the graves, because they were side by side and there were huge memorials behind them. Konrad looked to them for a moment, trying to figure out if he should try to speak to Korra or Aang first. Lastly, he concluded Korra was the best shot, because she was his last incarnation.

"Korra, please, help me to get into the Avatar State again and cure Asami. She needs both of us," Konrad said, kneeling before the grave and closing his eyes. "I can't count on any healer, it has been just the two of us since forever and I don't know in who I can trust. Please, help me heal her, she was your friend too and loves you very much."

He stood a while in silence after that, a silence Konrad wished was filled the fastest possible by Korra's voice.

"Why don't you take her to my house, little Avatar?" Said a woman's voice on Konrad's right. "I may not be Korra, but I am a healer and knew Asami."

He quickly draw the sword, turning around to see the voice's owner. She was a small old woman, but her smile emanated a youth Konrad never saw in Asami's eyes. The boy knew from the start he could trust that woman.

"Who are you?" He asked; years running away and hiding taught him to not trust on his emotions.

"My name is Katara, little one," said the woman, his smile even wider. "And you're the famous Konrad, of course. Come, show me where is your Asami and I will see what I can do."

**~~//~~**

Asami woke up, suddenly aware that her body didn't feel  _right_. It was almost like she was…  _floating_. The engineer looked around, searching for Konrad, and found him next to an old woman she saw just two times in her entire life, but whose face would never forget.

"Katara," Asami said, her voice weak due to her tiredness. "What...? How...?"

"Rest, child," said the old woman, and the engineer noted that she was smiling. "Some days more and even I wouldn't be able to cure you."

"Kon, you brought us to the Southern Water Tribe?" Asami almost yell. Ignoring Katara's advice, she stood up at once and, suddenly, felt her legs too weak to sustain her body; her protege ran to support her. The engineer sighed before talking again: "Kon, this is probably the most dangerous place for us. Why did you bring us here?"

"You weren't getting better, I was afraid that you would never be," said Konrad, lying her back in the water where Katara treated her patients. "At the beginning, I was trying to reconnect with Korra or Aang, see if they could help, but Master Katara found me in front their graves and promised me to help."

The engineer look to Katara, who was bending the water around her. While the older woman used her skills, no one talked; Asami began feeling like herself again, her injuries not hurting so much anymore. Just when the water around the younger woman stopped shining and Katara sat down beside of Konrad, she talked again:

"Thank you for all, Master Katara. I know I may have sounded a little ungrateful, but you must know how it is to have to fight for surviving in a world where you are being constantly hunted."

Katara nodded, still smiling.

"You and Konrad must have passed through a lot on the past years," Katara said, and Asami nodded. "You should spend the night in my house while you recover. I healed your injuries, but you still need some rest before going back running away from the White Lotus."

"This is too risky," Asami answered promptly. "We need to get out of here before the White Lotus finds us."

"They won't search for you in my house, Asami, you know that," said Katara. "Besides, the only members of the White Lotus that stayed in here are me and Tonraq. The few members that stood on the organization after all those years are at the Earth Kingdom and the Fire Nation. They suppose you wouldn't risk coming here."

Asami look into Katara's eyes. Despite never having known her very well, the engineer trusted that woman more than everyone else. She wasn't surprise by this, because she remembered the talk with Iroh so many years before, when he said that Katara and her were connected to the Avatar's spirit, which, logically, meant there was a bond between them too. So, Asami didn't feel very disturbed by nodding to Katara, who smiled to her.

Then, she looked to Konrad and saw the relief in his face. Noting that she was watching him, the young Avatar reach out to hold Asami's hands and pulled her up with a strength she didn't remember he had. Asami felt like her legs were made of jello, but, after a while, was able to remain up without any help.

Just then, the trio, slowly, left the healing house. Asami's eyes grew wide as she saw Naga running to greet her.

"I see that Naga remembers you," said Katara, while Naga licked Asami's face mercilessly and the younger woman laughed, happy to see this old friend.

"Naga helped us to bring you here," said Konrad, and the polar bear dog jumped on him and licked his face too. "She likes me too."

Katara and Asami laughed happily, and the engineer was certain that the older woman was also remembering Korra, and maybe even Aang, in the same position Konrad was now.

"She was lonely after Korra's death, and I'm in need of all help I can get, so I adopted her," said Katara. "She likes to help and is always helpful with my patients."

After some while, Naga got tired and the four of them finally could enter Katara's house.

They passed an enjoyable night. Katara cooked and told them stories about her adventures with Aang. Konrad looked at the older woman with adoration and, for a moment, Asami saw in him the one Korra that admired the way the engineer drove the cars her father's company was developing.

The younger woman felt her heart filled by a warm feeling. Love. Love to Korra, love to her Kon. It was a little confusing, but it was her first really good feeling in a long time.

Just when it was late night Konrad slept beside Asami on the couch. Katara was telling them about the time she faced Fire Lord Zuko's sister by herself and stopped as soon as she realized the boy wasn't listening anymore.

The older woman looked to Asami with her bright blue eyes and the engineer sighed, hoping that Katara wouldn't give her a lecture about her behavior on the past years.

"I know how you feel, Asami," said the older woman, at last. "Best than most of the people, I understand how it feels to see someone you loved inside the body of someone new, that you love in a completely different way. Realizing that they had different lives and, despite having the person you loved back, things will never be the same."

"You  _don't_  understand," replied Asami, her voice with an anger the younger woman knew she felt, but never dare to express. "You— you had all your life beside Aang, you had  _children_  with him who supported you when he died. I couldn't even say how I felt for Korra. You will  _never_  be alone like I am now."

Katara didn't answer immediately, but Asami realized she wasn't angry, just thoughtful.

"But you are not alone, Asami, you have Konrad," said Katara. "Losing Aang was the most painful thing that happened in my life, and I thought I would never know someone who would make me feel so complete. Until the moment I learn to love Korra. It's different, of course, but it's something that fills us."

Asami swallowed hard, feeling the tears on her cheeks. She looked down to watch her protege sleeping against her. Konrad wasn't Korra, he was less confident and certain about himself. But, like the late Avatar, he was a prodigy on martial arts, liked games and had a special connection with all living beings.

She loved Konrad. In all those lonely and painful years, he was her only light, and Asami was sure she would be gone crazy without him to guide her.

Since they shared their feelings about the dream they had with Zaheer, always that Asami's fears took her and her mind started going too paranoid, Konrad distracted her with games and jokes. He was her protege and her protector.

"I can't lose him, Katara," Asami said, at last, hugging the young Avatar tight against her chest. He muttered something the two of them didn't understand, but didn't wake up.

"I know how you feel, but it's selfish not letting him fulfill his role as the Avatar," replied the older woman. "I know he's not ready, but you should take him to masters who could teach him to bend the elements. It's part of who he is and, one day, the world may demand him this knowledge. You can't protect him forever."

"You expect me to surrender to the White Lotus? They will train him against his will and, when he becomes a master of the four elements, will throw him against a world he barely knows," retort the engineer. "Besides, they will never let me see him again."

"Not all the great masters are bonded to the White Lotus. His first element, earth, is the same element your friend, Bolin, bends. I know he's not the a great martial artist, but he's a remarkable earthbender and one of the feel who can bend lava."

"Bolin is a member of the White Lotus," said the younger woman, tiredly.

"Not anymore. He and his brother, Mako, left the White Lotus not long after you betrayed them," Katara stated. "Apparently, the idea of hunting you doesn't please them."

"But where could we leave? Training bending means being stuck with the master," mentioned Asami, with exasperation. "I can't ask Bolin to become a fugitive with us."

"I'm sure he would be happy to help you two, Asami, and you could always refuge at the Spirit World," said Katara, taking Asami's hands on hers. "No White Lotus' member would search for you in the world of the spirits; they studied enough to fear it."

"So, you are suggesting that I find Bolin and Mako and we refuge at the Spirit World while Kon learns to bend earth and fire?" Asked Asami, and Katara nodded.

Though she wasn't certain about the first part of the plan, the engineer liked the idea of refuging at the Spirit World. Asami never contemplated the idea cause she didn't know that world and was afraid that her enemies found her there. But, if the White Lotus refused to search her there, that was actually a good idea.

"You must remember that you can't protect him forever," stated Katara, as if she was reading Asami's thoughts.

The engineer looked to Konrad, asleep against her. She loved him, but she learned after losing Korra that no one was really eternal, and she understood Katara's words. She needed to find another person to teach him how to bend the elements, someone who was impartial. Suddenly, an idea hit her.

"I know I can't," the younger woman said. "But the spirits trained the first Avatar, maybe they could train Kon too. I can't count with Mako and Bolin's loyalty, there are too much at stake."

Katara watched her for a long time, and the engineer wondered what she was thinking. So, finally, the older woman stood up.

"Very well, but you must know, Asami, that your shattered spirit one day will cost you very much if not treated. And Konrad needs his Asami as much as you need your Konrad."

Asami remained speechless watching Katara walking to her room. Just when the older woman closed the door behind her, the engineer moved her eyes back to her protege. Her _shattered spirit_ wouldn't stop her to protect Konrad, she would make sure of it.

* * *

 

* Qing is a chinese name that means "greenish blue".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all who left kudos. I much appreciate it :)
> 
> Sorry if there are spelling or grammar mistakes. English is not my native language and I don't have a beta.


	4. About Sacrifices

The following years passed slowly to Asami. Katara's prediction proved very right and, seven years later, the engineer felt her broken inner self destroyed while her physical health began quickly deteriorating.

During the time that she was at the physical world, Asami almost didn't feel the malaise that almost killed her when Konrad was eleven years old. She still couldn't sleep more than five hours in every forty-eight hours, and her appetite started degenerating quickly after her illness. Despite that, she felt healthy most of the time, and didn't see any reason to fear for her life.

They left Katara's house and followed to the Earth Kingdom in a search for TophBeifong. At first, Asami wanted to go straight to the South Pole and enter in the Spirit World as fast as possible; there, they would find a spirit who could teach Konrad to bend earth, his first element. But Katara asked them to deliver a letter to Toph, and the engineer couldn't deny the old healer's request after the old woman saving her life.

Asami suspected that Katara had sent them to Toph in hope that the old earthbender would train Konrad. Though she hadn't opened the letter, she was very certain that it contained a request from Katara to her old friend to receive the young Avatar as her pupil.

So, she wasn't surprise when Toph herself offered to train Konrad at the morning after their arrival at the swamp where the earthbender lived. Asami didn't dare to refuse the offer, she knew that to older woman was the most powerful earthbender alive and was the Avatar Aang's master. Konrad deserved the best, and the isolated swamp seemed being a very safe spot for them to stay.

Konrad training with Toph lasted just two years, but it was intensive. Though Asami wasn't a bender and started to realize she understood little about what meant learning it, she could see that the older woman was a tough teacher who expected just the best of her students.

It wasn't just a physical training. Toph also taught Konrad everything she knew about the history of earthbender and the Earth Kingdom, she trained the basic theoretical concepts of the spirituality behind this kind of bending. They did the physical training at the two hours just before dawn and dusk, using the other hours the day to a theoretical study.

Sometimes, Asami just stood at the swamp, watching them, but, after a while, she started doing little trips through the Earth Kingdom to entertain herself. She didn't really know why, but the time alone proved being physically and mentally hard to her. There were times, while she was traveling, that she even stopped being able to discern what was real from what was a trick of her mind: she began seeing enemies from her past or having very vivid day-dreams about Korra.

It was worth, though, because it was while she was traveling that she began to understand the real situation of the Earth Kingdom after the Earth Queen's murder. Kuvira, Suyin's apprentice, was the great peacemaker and uniter that brought order to the realm.

Against the will of the leaders of the other nations, that wanted she stepped back once the Earth Kingdom was in peace, Kuvira took the post of ruler. In this context, Zaofuwas taken and submitted to the centralized government on Ba Sing Se. Suyin and her family were now hosts on Republic City, one of the many prices the other Nations made to leave Kuvira rule the realm she unified.

Asami decided she didn't want to tell Toph about what happened to her daughter's city, although she realized that the old earthbender probably knew about it and wasn't worried. The engineer was actually afraid that Konrad would listen them talking and feel forced to interfere some way. He started becoming aware that someone needed to be the Avatar, that someday the world would need him. He wasn't ready, though.

So, two years after they arrived at the swamp, Konrad completed part of his earthbending training. Even though Toph said that the boy didn't have the total dominance of the element, she thought it would be better if he searched for another master while he was training firebending too.

At the night Toph told them about her decision, after Konrad went to sleep, the older woman approached of Asami and asked, for the first time, about her health. When the engineer said she was fine, though, she twisted her lips.

"You think you are doing this great _heroic_ sacrifice, that you are protecting yourself, protecting the kid, but you are just being selfish, trying to get rid of your own life just because you can't live without your _little_ girlfriend," said the older woman, narrowing her eyes. "I can hear your heart, you know? It's beating more slowly than it should. Your breath isn't right either. Go find a healer, I will keep your little Avatar safe until you come back."

Asami wasn't really angry about Toph's rudeness, she knew it was just the way of the older woman showing her worry, but shake her head slightly.

A part of the engineer knew it was foolishness to not accept that offer, but the other part, way stronger, rationalized that it wasn't really necessary. She wasn't feeling different for most of the time; after those two years at the swamp, she was actually feeling physically better than she had been for years. Her spirit wasn't the same, of course, but she was used to it and could handle the hallucinations and dreams.

They stayed at the swamp for far more than they should have and, despite her trust in Toph, Asamiwas scarred about the rumors about the power Kuvira held, the weapons people saw her testing. Besides, Konrad really needed a firebending master.

So, three days later, Konrad and Asami left to the North Pole. The engineer didn't have any kind of hallucinations during _that_ trip, what was a relief, because meant that they were just a symptom of her isolation and loneliness while walking alone through the Earth Kingdom, thinking about their last moments together there. It wasn't something she should really worry about.

During the trip Asami started realizing how much Konrad grew up during the last two years. He didn't seek her when he had nightmares anymore, even though she could hear him waking suddenly during the night, sometimes.

The engineer knew from experience that it wasn't about he not needing her, but she couldn't help but feel resentful and heartbroken always when she watched Konrad walking away during the night, incapable of sleep after a nightmare. She felt as if she was slowly losing him.

Iroh greeted them as soon as they stepped outside the portal into the Spirit World. The late general looked sadly to Asami when Konrad wasn't noticing as if he knew about the subject the engineer talked with Toph, but he didn't allowed the sobriety moment to last and guided them both to his home, babbling about how they would love the new recipe of spiritual tea he just made up.

"I know why you came, though," he said, finally, after serving the tea to everyone at his house's garden. "It's not about my tea, I know. You came because you want me to teach the art of firebending to Konrad."

Asami looked to the old man with curiosity. Since the moment she first sighted him, the engineer was searching for a way of interrupting him politely to ask that question. It looked like that Iroh was purposely stopping her to touch the subject until now.

"Will you teach me?" Asked Konrad, excited. "I promise I will be a good student."

"I'm sure you will, young Avatar," said Iroh, smiling, and sipped his tea. "The spirits usually don't mess up with human issues. If it's for the Avatar's sake, however, some of us are very happy to help. Especially because I met and helped your two previous incarnations."

"Did you meet Aang _and_ Korra?" Konrad inquired, he still didn't touch the tea Iroh had made to them, anxious about knowing if he would be trained by him. "Asami told me that you died long before Aang."

"She is correct, but Korra and I met twice here at moments she needed some guidance."

Konrad looked to his new master with growing admiration, asking him to tell more about Aang. Asami smiled as she realized there were still remainders of the kid the young Avatar was some years before.

Konrad's training started the day after. Iroh couldn't bend fire anymore, but he was a good teacher who knew what he was doing and the young Avatar was a determined pupil, so, they worked out this complication.

The studies cost most of Konrad's time, especially because the young Avatar also started training earthbender with a spirit called Daichi. Learn from a spirit was even more difficult than it was from Iroh or Toph; there were human things that Daichi couldn't understand, as tiredness and hungry. But the spirit was patient and understood Konrad's limitations as a human.

Iroh also started teaching him about the Spirit World and his spiritual duty as the Avatar. The lessons didn't happen very often and depended of Konrad's progress in earth and firebending, but Asami tried to be in all of them, anxious to learn more about the Avatar's duty to understand better who was Korra and what she could have been if she had lived.

However, around a year after they arrive at the Spirit World, Asami started realizing that Toph and Katara were right about her physical health. One day, Asami realized that she couldn't go through a long distance without feeling breathlessness and even dizziness. Not long after, she noted that she couldn't do her daily exercises anymore.

 _You can't keep him safe forever._ That reality began haunting her even more than Korra's death; she could try keep him safe while she was alive, but her body had limits, and Asami began to realize that she was reaching them.

She didn't tell anyone at first, although she saw that Iroh noted. He never tried to push her to talk to him about this, however, and Asami didn't feel like sharing her fears with him. The engineer was afraid that he would try to convince her to do something about it, what she wasn't sure if she wanted. After all, she was closer to finally reach peace and Korra.

Three years after their arrival at the Spirit World, Asami realized she couldn't eat anymore. It started as a small nausea during some meals, and grew subtly; the engineer just realized it was a troubling situation when noted that she could just keep one meal per day.

That's when she decided to visit a healer for the first time. Not a human healer, of course, it would be insanely dangerous. Iroh asked a water spirit that lived nearby, Aylik*; according to the former general, this spirit was a close descendant of the great Shui**, the spirit of water itself. Remembering how the waterbenders could be great healers, Asami felt hopeful.

The spirit was, actually, physically similar to a woman, but had a blue scaly skin, big dark eyes and no hair or eyebrows. Its feminine form and voice made Asami call it "her", which seemed to please it very much.

"Your chi is being blocked by a massive dark energy created by your own body," said the spirit, touching the parts of Asami's body that she knew were the chakras. "I doubt that even the great spirit Shui, my ancestor, would be capable of dissolve this energy and heal your body completely."

Asami sighed slowly, trying to keep her mind calm; she knew that, if the spirits couldn't heal her, nobody would be able to. The engineer still didn't know if she was ready to face her own death, she didn't want to leave Konrad alone.

"Is there nothing you can do?" Asked Asami, sitting and getting dressed as the spirit stood back. It look to her for a moment before finally answering.

"Even though you can't expect full recovery in this life, I can work to slow the growing of the dark energy and, if you do as I say, maybe, in some years, we can revert part of the process."

Asami nodded; she needed more time with Konrad before leaving him. She need to wait until he mastered the four elements. For that moment, it was necessary that she do what the spirit asked her: a treatment based on healing teas, exercises and some kind of physical therapy inside the water.

For sometime, Asami didn't feel better, but started to realize she also wasn't worsening; what was enough to hide from Kon her illness.

At the first year after the visit of the healer, it wasn't difficult. The young Avatar was focused on his training and she just had to make an effort to not show any sign of weakness in front of him. As her nause wasn't appeased, she begin saying that she was having meals while Konrad was training. He didn't even noted that the engineer started going out to see Aylik some times a week.

Then, around one year and a half after the first visit of the water spirit, she started worsening inexplicably.

At first, Aylik was hopeful that it was just a phase and, soon enough, Asami would recover, but three weeks passed and the illness just grew worse. Her body temperature began slowly increasing, which the water spirit explained as a result of the wall that was stopping her spiritual energy to flow through her body.

The spirit tried to remove some of the minor blockades, but it caused a pain that lead her to three days unconscious. After that, Aylik said, seeming trully sad, that there was nothing more she could do.

Completely aware of his protector's illness after the blackout, Konrad started neglecting his training to take care of Asami. The engineer tried to convince him that she would be better if she knew he was learning with Iroh, but it didn't encouraged the boy to leave her side.

Certain day, Konrad was sleeping at Asami's side while she watched his features, now closer from a man's than from a boy's, when he suddenly woke up and, with a excuse she didn't hear, got out of the bedroom. The woman thought about going after him, but she knew she needed to spare energy.

Some minutes after, Iroh entered into the room and sat at the only chair in it, close to Asami's bed. They watched each other for a while, the engineer certain that the old master wanted to say something that he didn't want Konrad to hear.

"I want to send Kon to search for a human healer for you," said Iroh, at last. "There are things that just humans can understand about humans, and, even the better spirit healer, could be lost when it comes to some of the simplest human diseases."

"You can't, he could be recognized as the Avatar," answered Asami. It was an insane thought, because no one would relate him to the boy on the photos the White Lotus distributed to help people regonized him, but Asami didn't care; for her, it was risky. "Besides, my illness is spiritual; Katara told me. There's nothing anyone can do about it."

Iroh sat there for a while, watching Asami with sadness and resignation. Then, with a sigh, he stood up and turned away, starting to leave the bedroom.

"Wait, there's something I wanna ask you, if you don't mind," called Asami, for her own surprise. Iroh looked back to her, without making any move to sit again; then, he nodded slightly. "Aylik and Katara said that my spirit was broken. Can you explain why this is interfering with my physical health?"

Iroh sighed and sat down beside the bed again.

"You must have realized that Kon's emotions and thoughts are in synchrony with the Spirit World," said the former general, and Asami nodded. "This happens because Kon is part spirit, and his inner universe goes beyond his body. In your case, the border of inner universe is your body; your feelings and emotions, that compose your spirit, are in synchrony with your body. When Kon is feeling something strong, he can change the Spirit World; when you lost Korra, your continuous mourning changed the dynamic of your body. Your spirit is ill beyond repair, and your body is suffering from it."

Asami nodded again. That was something she knew, but Iroh's explanation made her think about her after life. The former general said her spirit was beyond repair and Aylik told her she couldn't fully recover; the engineer wonder if it would affect what would happen to her when she die.

After that day, Konrad stopped being at her side at every waking hour. Iroh said that the boy realized he couldn't do anything about his protector and started focusing on his training. Asami didn't believe at this excuse, but she didn't argued; she could see a flame inside of determination into the Avatar's eyes and was happy about him moving on.

Certain day, not too long after, Asami had a dangerously high fever and hallucinated for what seemed to be a long while, though she wasn't really sure. When she finally woke up, no one was at the house, except...

No, that _wasn't_ possible. Maybe she was still hallucinating, or maybe it was a dream. It _couldn't_ be possible.

"Asami, you changed too much since the last," said a voice that the engineer didn't hear for a long time, but which she remembered as if she had heard minutes before. "You look old, y'know?"

She still couldn't believe that that person was there, smiling and joking as if the last years were nothing. The last seventeen years of pain, loneliness and longing; seventeen years those that didn't have changed Asami's feelings at all.

The owner of the voice pulled the chair and put it beside the engineer's bed before sitting in it. When the _Korra_ came into focus, Asami realized that, though there was a supernatural aura around her and inside her eyes, she hadn't change at all; she was still the same eighteen years old teenage that faced Zaheer, many years ago.

She stretched out her hand in an attempt to reach Korra, desperately trying to feel her, to be certain that the person in front of her was _real_. The late Avatar's smile grew as she realized the intention, and she hold Asami's hand tight, intertwining their fingers. _She is real._

Asami sensed an electrical impulse going through her body and, for a moment, she felt very alive. The engineer looked to the girl in front of her still incapable of believing that she was there, smiling at her with the most beautiful eyes Asami had ever seen in her entire life.

"Hey, I'm here now, okay?" Said Korra, caressing the engineer's hand with her thumb. "We're fine now, everything will be okay."

"Am I dreaming?" Asked Asami, her voice rough and low.

Suddenly afraid that the question would make her wake up or the late Avatar disappear, the engineer hold her hand tighter. Nothing happened, though, and Korra laughed happily.

"And do I seem like a dream to you?" Replied Korra. _No_ , Asami suddenly realized, she was a very solid presence there, it wasn't a dream.

Asami looked at Korra, trying to learn by heart the details of her beloved's face that she had forgotten after so many years; never more she would allow herself to forget them. While Asami analysed her face, the late Avatar left her laugh change into a smile, that slowly died.

"You gave up, 'Sami," she said sadly, at last, using her free hand to slightly touch Asami's face. "I don't think you can imagine the pain I felt watching you dying because of me, especially because I couldn't do nothing to stop you."

"I'm sorry I caused you pain," answered Asami after a brief moment trying to process that Korra, indeed, had watched her. "A lifetime without you is an empty lifetime."

"I think I understand," said Korra, caressing Asami's cheek; another electrical impulse went through her body, and the engineer's heart lost a beat. "I mean, a lifetime without you would be indeed empty, though I had you for two of them. But Konrad— he's been thinking about that for a while; about what he will do if you die; I mean, how could he live with this empty spot in his heart. So, I guess I get how you feel."

"Konrad," said Asami, suddenly remembering something very important. "How could you and Kon coexist?"

The late Avatar didn't answer quickly this time. She looked into Asami's eyes for a long while and pulled off the hand that was touching the other woman's cheek. The engineer realized she was thinking about how to answer it.

"It's kind of difficult explaining this to someone who is not the Avatar," said Korra, at last. "In essence, Kon and I are not the same spirit, just two different spirits that are connected to Raava. There are four of us, four Avatar spirits: me, Kon, Avatar Roku and Avatar Kuruk; being connect for so long, we are very similar and we share a lot of loved ones, but we are not the same."

"What are you saying? Even if you are different spirits, you are still bonded to Kon by Raava, aren't you? How did you manage to be here?" Asked Asami, finally discovering that she couldn't stay lying for any more second and, despite feeling her body aching, sitting up.

"Kon searched for the spirit Koh to find a cure for your illness. The spirit told him that I had the answers he was seeking, and taught him to separate his spirit from mine. That's why I'm here; Kon sacrificed his connection with me to free my spirit, so that I could cure you."

Asami smiled with Konrad's bravery; Korra having lost her connection with her past lives, she was the only one who could guide the new Avatar. The engineer felt proud of her little Avatar, the boy who was yours in every way, except by blood and name.

"I don't know what can you do to help me, Korra," said Asami sadly, after a while. "I mean, even Aylik said there is no cure."

"Do you really think I will let you die, Asami? If you think so, you must be insane," said Korra with such confidence that the engineer believed her. "Besides, now that Kon lost me, he will need you more than ever to guide him. Especially when he take over his place as the Avatar."

Asami considered arguing with Korra, saying that she wouldn't let Konrad risk his life being the Avatar, but, then, she thought better. There was no use of discussing this now, not when she had Korra in front of her for the first time in almost twenty years, not when all the few good dreams she had on all this years just came true.

Korra drop Asami's hand just to hold the engineer's face between her hands. The older woman felt the increasing temperature and was taken by the fear that her fever worsened and she lost Korra again. Feeling the other woman uneasy, though, the late Avatar touched Asami's forehead with hers and looked straight into the green eyes; slowly, Asami felt all the pain of her sickness dissipating.

"I can't stay here for too long without compromising my spirit to the Spirit World," whispered Korra, her breath against Asami's lips making the engineer shiver with wanting. "You offered your life to me and, now, I'm giving it back to you. Asami, you will guide our Kon during his life and, then, when he doesn't need your services anymore, you will be free to join me."

Asami didn't feel sick anymore, she felt the life floating inside and outside her, at the small space between Korra and her. She realized Korra and her were sharing a lot more than just the moment. The engineer looked at Korra with passion, wanting to break the silence with the words that have been burning her throat for so long. She needed to say them now, when she had the change, when Korra was there with her, but her brain seemed to be suddenly disconnected from her mouth.

"I love you too, my dearest 'Sami," said Korra, noting that her beloved couldn't find the words she desperately needed to say. "I'm giving your life now, but in another life, in the world you still need to build with Kon, I will have it back. When you are not Asami and I am not Korra, but we are the same in essence, then we will have peace."

For this moment, Asami felt her heart filled by pure happiness and hope. It wasn't over yet and, when it is, she would have Korra again. She raised her hands and cupped the late Avatar's waist, pulling her into an embrace. _I love you_ , her brain yelled the words her mouth couldn't pronounce now. Then, Korra leaned forward and took Asami's lips with hers in a soft kiss that made everything other than the two of them disappear.

Korra's lips were soft and sweet, and they gave Asami the most impressing and indescribable sensation she had ever had. It was like her body was electrified and her brain just melted, it was like there was nothing more than this one being that was the result of the fusion of Korra and Asami.

That night, they made love for the first and last time, completely unaware that the Spirit World celebrated her union with joyful colors and sounds.

  
_______________

* I took this name from a chinese lake, the Aylik Lake.

** Shui is the name of the element water on the Wu Xing philosophy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry it took so long for me to update this. It's really a huge job to translate this from portuguese, because there's expressions in my native language that doesn't exist in english, and I am far from fluent. Besides, I'm a very slow writer; I usually write 500 words per day.
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter. A little of Korrasami for you that was enough patient to wait for it. The next chapter will show what happens after this, though it won't have the sex moment; I can't write sex (sorry). 
> 
> Something I want to explain about this chapter. Korra says that there are four spirits bound to Raava: Korra, Konrad, Roku and Kuruk. These are the most recent forms incarnations of the spirits. You have:  
> 1\. Korra was also Wan and Kyoshi;  
> 2\. Konrad was also Aang;  
> 3\. Roku is the only known Avatar with this spirit;  
> 4\. Kuruk was also Yangchen.  
> I don't have all the explanation ready, just saying why I didn't mention Aang or Roku.
> 
> Thank you all who left kudos! Until the next!


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